My dating app photos are all iPhone photos, mostly candids that friends have snapped, or pics from trips

My dating app photos are all iPhone photos, mostly candids that friends have snapped, or pics from trips

I was not accepted by Raya, but am good with that – I went on a friend’s to see what the hype was and it felt v. pretentious. Also I would be SO STRESSED if I had to set my photos to music. I’m bad at music!

Creating a profile.

I got asked if I use professional photos on my profile. NO. Never. . I would probably swipe left on someone using professional photos which is why I use iPhone photos. I’m also of the mind that I want to look worse in my photos than I do real life, so that the guy is pleasantly surprised when they meet me. I don’t want to show up on a first date and have the person be disappointed.

I’d recommend making sure you have one close up of your face, one that shows your whole body, and then use the rest of them to show your personality. Maybe you love yoga, so something of that. Maybe you are silly so something goofy. Or, maybe you love to travel, so show photos of your adventures. Skip the sunglasses when possible!

Reaching out + The First date.

Honestly I don’t really reach out. It really depends on your personality type. Reach out if you want to and are good at initiating conversations but I personally don’t really have a lot of interest in being the initiator or chasing someone. On Hinge I might “like” someone first, leaving a comment on one of their photos if they say something funny but I almost never message the guy first. This is totally a matter of personal taste – do what makes you comfortable. (It sounds like the reader above feels uncomfortable reaching out, so I would tell her:”like” all you want, but let them message you first.)

As for the first date, keep it simple, stress free, and low pressure. It shouldn’t be uncomfortable. I like to start with coffee or a quick drink. I look at a first date as a screener and a chance to meet someone new and leave it at that. No pressure. Sometimes that coffee or drink turns into more drinks or a meal but I really don’t like committing to dinner or a big activity with someone I’ve never met. That’s when things feel awkward and stressful. If you are feeling stressed about it, try to just look at it as a meeting and remember that if you’re not having fun you can leave. Try not to put too much pressure on things.

Before going on a date I’ll make sure to have read the news that day and I will think about the book, movie, and/or TV show I’m really into right now so that I have something to talk about should the conversation stall.

Staying Positive While Online Dating.

Okay THIS is important! We can’t change the apps (or maybe you can – if you are reading this and have a better idea, I’ve been saying forever that someone needs to find a way to create IRL experiences of the apps), but we CAN change our attitudes. And that’s been my whole take on it. If I feel like my attitude is getting negative I take a time out. The dating app will always be there. But if you have a negative attitude you probably are going to have a bad experience. (There’s also nothing wrong with taking a break, deciding to work on meeting people IRL or just taking a general dating time out. I once took three months off of dating after realizing I was only meeting lunatics – I met someone I really liked right away after.)